real life

(or something close to it...)

Thursday, April 29, 2004

Well, I saw my general practioner yesterday afternoon... what an appointment!! It lasted for 75 minutes. I got there, he came in and was wide-eyed and asked me who I was and what I was there to see him for. Apparently, the records department misplaced my file and he had no notes to go off from last time. I was quite speechless... I actually started crying. I was so looking forward to this appointment. I've been in so much pain lately, I really thought this would be a good thing... going to see him and then he says he doesn't remember me.

A month ago, he suggested that I come back for a follow up visit for a problem I've had recently. So, this was my follow-up... plus I needed him to look at my ankle. Well, we somewhat solved the other problem and then he was all ready to go... I needed to remind him again that he needed to look at my ankle.

So..... he advises "RICE" for my anke: Rest, Ice, Constriction, Elevation. Well, I've been doing all these things and they aren't really helping. Also, he suggested a x-ray of my ankle... This appointment I have on Monday. Then he says I should come and see the sports medicine guy in the clinic. Well, I call to make an appointment... the earliest I can get in is May 19th. Just a little frustrating. I can't believe there is no one I can see at this place. UGH.

Nothing else too exciting to report. Just a lot of work and no real hours of play. Tuesday I was here at work until almost 8.30. My train was late, so I didn't get home until almost 10.

I think I'm just going through a really blah week. It sometimes really sucks to be alone. All my married friends are quick to point out that marriage doesn't complete you, etc... and all the other important but pithy (right word?) sayings they use to try and comfort you.. but, you never really hear these same people saying that they would rather be single... do you?

I'm just saying... it would be nice to have someone to come home to... who will make me tea and watch Scrubs with me.

Speaking of Scrubs, I love this show. It reminds me a lot of Sportsnight... only a more mature form...JD reminds me so much of my intern from my time at HUP. It makes me laugh thinking that maybe, just maybe... his time at HUP was a little like JD's.

My intern: Yaacov Anziska. He's somewhere in NYC now completing a fellowship in Neurology. Man, I'm so glad that I got to know him for 30 odd days. He always had some conversation...

He would always come into my room and say "Stay the Course" (meaning: the treatment isn't going to change today).

Well, that's it for now.

Stay the Course.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Finally, doctor's appointment tomorrow @ 4pm. I'm so happy I could scream. My good ankle is finally beating my bad ankle in the pain category.

Other than that news... nothing else too exciting to report.

Monday, April 26, 2004

I remembered the quote I was looking for.... thanks to some internet search engine... I found it: The quote is:

"Grief. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

I'm not sure what book it is from.. "A Grief Observed." maybe.... C.S. Lewis is so to the point with his words. Whether it be a beloved pet, a job, a friend, a family member... etc... It seems like happiness and pain go hand-in-hand... don't they?

Anyway, that's my deep thought of the day..I try not to have too many of them.

bye for now.

Friday, April 23, 2004

Last night after work, I met my mom at Christ Church (2nd & Market) and then we walked to dinner. We ate at a place called Dinardo's Crabs on Race Street. Very low key place... but very good. It's been there for almost 30 years and is family owned. I had crab stuffed shrimp. My mom had the salmon.

We then took a cab back to 13th and Sansom for dessert. We went to the gelato place (I always forget the name!!). Now I know that I will NEVER get Mexican Chocolate again. The first bite told me this... It's chocolate with cinnamon and some other spices... it has a horrible aftertaste... actually, spicy. Very weird for chocolate.

Got home in time to watch the end of Friends and of course, ER. I can't believe that when these shows started I was living in Akron, Ohio worrying about research papers and such. Gosh, it seems so long ago. And, in a way, it really is. My life is so different than it was in '94.

After I leave work today, we are driving to Baltimore for the weekend. We are staying at a hotel in the Inner Harbor. My dad is actually in Maryland also.... he is in Silver Springs for a conference.

Ok.. that's about it.

Aren't you glad??? I didn't complain about my ankle once this time around... although it still hurts... yes, I know... I have to go get it checked out. I was reminded yet again that I have a huge hospital right next door to my office.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

I'm sitting at my desk in my office and trying not to wince in pain. I'm usually pretty good about getting to a doctor if something is bothering me... but for a couple of reasons I haven't gone yet for my ankle. Now, it's hurting me really good and I'm not sure what I should do. I'm working here at one of the best places for orthopedics and I don't know who I should call. My doctor is off playing teacher this week.... they have an employee health center in the hospital...but I don't know if my injury would warrant a visit there....

My mom is finally in town. I picked her up last night and we stopped at Target. In case anyone is wondering... my Target list was very minimal. Here is what I bought:

blade refills for my razor
contact lens solution
toilet paper
paper towels

That's it... my total was $20.03.

After Target my mom and I stopped at Baja Fresh for fajitas. Came home and found out she also watches American Idol.

Today after work I'm meeting her in the city for dinner. She is down here somewhere looking at historical buildings of significance.

More later... time for lunch.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Birthday celebrations go out to Christine Romero from Zion, Illinois. A little about Christine. I met her in 1990. I was a sophomore at DePaul. Christine transferred from Lawrence College in Appleton, Wisconsin. We both became Christians around the same time. We experienced our first Campus Crusade for Christ Christmas Conference together and we thought how weird all the people were to be happy all the time (or something to that effect)... Christine married a great guy, Eric Romero, in June 1995. She is a music teacher. Eric and Christine had their first child, a girl, Sarah, in August of 2003.

No doctor's appointment this week. My doc is off teaching the residents in the hospital this week. I could have seen someone else... but I would rather not. My health history is too complicated to be repeating to any doctor.

And, yes, my ankle still is bothering me.... not as much as yesterday... but still enough for me to say "ouch" when I try to walk down the stairs.

Nothing else too exciting to report for today. From work I'm going to the airport to get my mom. We will probably stop somewhere on the way home for dinner.

Bye for now.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

The tale of the ankle continues... my workmate Tom thinks I actually pulled a muscle or something... I almost feel like it's impossible for me to go down stairs... there is this huge pain that shoots up my heel as I'm walking down the stairs (it hurts going up... but not as bad).

I'm sure exercising last night and jumping around didn't help it at all. UGH. I feel like I'm 80 because I'm walking at such a snail's pace right now.

Interesting thing happened on the SEPTA on the way to work. We were stopped at Suburban Station for an extra long period of time. Two different smartly dressed business people made boobs out of themselves by getting mad at the train conductor because it wasn't moving. It turns out there was a bag left unattended in one of the other cars of our train. The SEPTA officials wanted to get the bag off the train before they moved on. It took all of an extra 10 minutes... It's just so funny that these people were so bothered by this. I would rather spend 10 minutes and have the peace of mind that there isn't a bomb on my train then have the other consequence. People are funny... don't you think?

Tonight is a late night at work. I have a presentation... and then a quick trip to the grocery store to get some food for my mom for tomorrow. Finally, I need to clean....

Oh... congratulate me.... I finally threw away the milk carton that has been in fridge since June 18 of last year. YIPPY.

Monday, April 19, 2004

Just finished with dinner... a healthy choice frozen dinner. See previous post about why I hate to cook...

I really think I screwed up my ankle. I worked out a couple of hours ago and it really didn't hurt then... but now it's hard to put my weight on it. I have to see my doctor about something else this week... so, maybe he can look at this also.

It's hard picking a new family doctor. I had a great one, Dr. Joseph Hope, from Riddle Memorial... he was my doctor throughout all my heart & transplant issues. Well, when I started with my current job and new insurance plan... he isn't a part of the plan... So, I needed to pick a new one. How does one go about picking a new doctor? Well, I had the book, and then I started doing some research. I wanted someone who graduated med school in the 90s at least.... I found a couple that I liked that were close to my building in the city... I ended up choosing a guy who went to medical school in Cleveland. He went to Case Western Reserve Univ Med school and I worked at the affiliated hospital..University Hospitals of Cleveland. It's sorta luck of the draw... he has turned out to be really good, or at least he seems really good. My first visit he totally took a thorough history and listened to all my heart stories... I think I like the midwesterness in him. He's originally from Wisconsin. Living on the East Coast, you can definitely tell when people aren't from here... they tend to be nicer and less abrupt (just my opinion).

Right now: doing laundry again... unfortunately, I wore one of my favorite white shirts to the Donor Dash on Sunday (well, I wanted to look half-way decent at 10th that morning)...Well, it was totally hot and I must have leaned up against something.... there were rust stains all over the front of the shirt.... I didn't even notice them until I was in a department store afterwards looking for something..... I'm kinda bummed... because I really liked the shirt. Oh well, it's just a shirt.... and Jesus said don't worry about the clothes you wear. Right? He did say that? Thankfully, he has done a fine job of clothing me for the last 32 years. :O)

Bye for now..

I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom... and totally forgot that I hurt my ankle.... as I put my weight on it... I almost toppled over... not good at 1am. I limped getting ready to work, I limped to the train station, I limped on Market Street... yes, it still hurts.

Nothing too exciting to report. For once I'm actually glad it's a Monday. My mom comes in 2 days... even though I have to work, it will be nice to have her here. I haven't seen my either of my parents since when I was home for Christmas...that's what I get for living 800 miles away from home.

More later...

Sunday, April 18, 2004

I just reread my last post. I think I was a little too hard on myself w/ regards to my friend (let's name him Jason). Anyway, it was nice seeing him and hard also... b/c I know I probably won't see him for another year.

When I started this blog... I said that I told him that I wanted him at my wedding (that is if I ever have one)... and I said I would explain why.... this is why:

When I got out of graduate school it took me awhile to find a job. Actually, a long while. 18 months! And when I did, all it required was fast fingers to update the database for a hospital's resume tracking system in the HR Department. I wasn't making much at all... but the situation showed me a lot about myself...

First, it showed me to NEVER worry about money again. EVER. When I put my security deposit down on my apartment in Cleveland, I didn't know where the next month's rent was coming from... I still didn't have a job. I was getting food from the food bank at my church.. that's how poor I was. A week later, the hospital called with a job that I could walk to.

Second, being there gave me one of my major dreams, visions, whatever you call it for my life...I would often eat lunch at the medical school the hospital was affliated with. It was filled with med students talking about all the great things that they would be doing soon.... I still remember that day... I remember just suddenly thinking, "What if they were all talking about Jesus in the same way that they all have a heart for medicine... how much STRONGER they would be in practicing... and they would know who the divine healer really is..." Anyway, that was in 1996. I didn't meet my first Christian doctor until I met Jason (again.... not even close to his real name...but no one is reading this so.. it really doesn't matter... but he's pretty private... so I'm not even going to embarrass him by using it) in 2001. I wasn't even sure he was a Christian...

While I was in the hospital, there were a few signs that I thought he was... but I wasn't sure. When I left the hospital, I kept saying that the next time I saw him... I would definitely ask him... Finally, I had a chance and I think I took him off guard by asking him... I was just really excited that Christian physicians aren't a dream but that they actually existed. Since that moment, I have met quite a few more and I've learned that they are all different... Some are quiet about their faith, while others are more open and will openly pray with patients. To be honest, I'm really not sure which type Jason is (I'm thinking one who is more quiet) but I know that he really cares about the people he treats... and I'm glad about that. He is really getting to touch quite a few lives where he is at now and that's cool...

So that's why I would want him there... b/c he's touched my life in a way he doesn't know and that it all my weirdness.. he's still important to me. Hopefully, I can tell this all to him in person someday... instead of writing it here.

Ok.. that's it for the 18th of April. Tomorrow is another is the start of a week. I twisted my ankle today..
Go figure, I didn't twist it on the walk... but I twisted it when I stepped off a curb walking to my car. It really hurts tonight (I can't even remember the last time I twisted my ankle.... years & years ago)... I'm hoping it's better by tomorrow so I can go work out after work.

Today was the "Dash for Donors" at the Art Museum. It's a fundraiser for the Gift of Life Donor program. Anyway, I went to 10th Pres in the morning and saw my friend (the doctor)... Anyway, we sat together at church and then drove over to the walk (separately). A lot has happened to him since I last saw him. Anyway, it just made me realize that I really don't mean anything to him... and that hurts a lot right now. He moved into a new place and when I asked for his address... he said that I should just send anything that I have for him to the hospital where he works. He says he doesn't hate me... but he doesn't really like me that much either.

I told him the address of this site... but I know he's never going to read it... so I guess it's ok to vent about this in cyberspace. I guess, bottom line I just have to be satisfied with the infrequent contact that I do have with him. I'm just a former patient of his.... nothing more, nothing less... I am glad that he treats me like a real person and not like a patient/non-person as other people did today.

Ok... i'm finished....

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday.

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Now I know why kid's birthday parties only last for 90 minutes.... everyone is totally exhausted afterwards. Joseph sorta knew it was his birthday... he totally knew what I had for him was a present. I think everyone had a good time. Lots of pizza, candy, cake.....

Now... it's time to leave for the grown up birthday party. Nice food, dessert, and red wine.

more later.
8.30am Saturday morning.... It's very nice sleeping in and not having to be anywhere in the morning... Today is going to be a busy day nonetheless....

11.15am haircut

After haircut, I have to come home and make a dessert. I'm doing a new chocolate trifle... should be interesting... two of the main ingredients are twix candy bars and raspberries.

3pm Joseph Doran's 2nd Birthday party. I got him this really K-9 Police SUV toy truck from Target. I'm sure he'll love it for about 5 minutes... like most 2 yr olds do

7.30pm Another birthday party.. this one for grown ups only.... Suellen is having people over for her birthday & cooking for everybody.

Ok.... that's about it for now. Going to find some breakfast type food to eat now.

Friday, April 16, 2004

It's a beautiful sunny Friday and I'm here at work. I have a window to the outside..but unfortunately, my window is in the alley where the ambulances and hearses (and, well, to be honest, sometimes minivans) come to either drop off patients for the ED or to pick up the ones that have died. Sometimes it's very interesting looking out my window... at other times (like right now) there is nothing and it's pretty quiet.

It's only noon but it feels like it should be 3. Fridays usually fly by... but this one is taking its own sweet time to pass. This morning we had a going away party for a woman from the registrar's office. She will stay in the organization.. but is just moving from the university side to the hospital side. There was a really nice breakfast for her in our conference room. I think I ate a little too much... bacon, eggs, sausage, fruit, juice.. all my favorites.

I've completely misunderstood a friend of mine. Don't you hate when that happens? It's almost been 5 months and I've thought one thing and it's been not the case... at least that's what I think. UGH.

Tonight nothing too exciting will be happening in my household. I need to start cracking and cleaning my place. My mom's ETA is 5 days from now. I'm sure I have at least 5 days of cleaning ahead of me.

Tomorrow is another story... and yet, another day.

Be well.

ps... So, watched the final of "The Apprentice" last night... So, Bill won. Well, at least Loyola University got some much needed press. DePaul is still better (even though my Dad went to Loyola). Can't trust those Jesuits too much.. now can we? (I don't know why I said that... don't really know the difference between the Jesuits & the group that founded DePaul... nor do I really care). Ok... plain and simple. DePaul is better. Ask anyone who has gone to both schools....

Thursday, April 15, 2004

After a 4 day no show.... Let's give a hearty HELLO to the SUN!!!! Finally, a sunny day. I went out to Reading Terminal Market for lunch (to the Amish Lunch Counter). The weather is amazing!!!! AMAZING. I can't say enough about how nice the weather is today. I think I might be able to wear one of my summer skirts tomorrow. They have been hanging in my closet collecting dust b/c it's been too cold.

Got a response from "Bob" He seems to be doing well. I think married life has suited him. He has matured a lot & has gone back to school. Well done!

That's it for now. Another long night in the city. I'll be home in time to watch "The Apprentice" Can't wait.

Bye for now.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

i got home tonight at 10.15pm. way too late for a financial aid advisor. i'll be back to work in less than 12 hours... so, a quick update...

i did finish my laundry last night.... 11.30pm

thank God for clean underwear.

i did write "Bob" back this morning. ultimately i'm glad i wrote what i wrote... and i'm glad that he & his wife can freely visit the church without worrying about what i'll think. does that mean i want to have lunch with them? no... but as i said in my email to him... his slate is wiped clean with me. and, so it is. it's a brand new start. and, i'm ok with that.

ok now...time for bed. need to be up early tomorrow for a doctor's appt.

good night all.

and...finally Happy first Birthday to Benjamin Liles. Gosh, a year sure does goes by fast.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

if anyone actually visits this... they will see that i changed the style of my template. i think this one is more my style... simple. nothing overly fancy..

i still don't know what i will say to "Bob".

a thing that i'm thankful for.... a nice place to work out!!! i forgot how much stress i relieve by working out for a 1/2 hour. my docs will be happy. i won't have to "little white lie" them anymore. "Yes, I do exercise." when I really haven't except in the comfort of my living room. I now have $$$ to exercise at a real place.

a thing i wish for... more washer and dryers in my apartment building... i think i might be up until midnight finishing my laundry... but i needed DESPERATELY to do it... no more clean underwear... i started to wear some inside out... gosh, i just DID admit that to the world. I sometimes wear my underwear inside out (hey... it's more economical than stopping at Target on the way home and buying new ones!!).

one last comment: i watched all of George W. Bush's press conference. I love what this man stands for and what he stands against. I am soo glad that he is the President of the country that I love. He was amazing.

good night all.
This morning I received an email from a person that I haven't heard from in over 3 years. He was really the only person I've had any type of dating relationship with..

In January of 2000, we were decent friends trying to decide if we wanted another go at a dating relationship. Everything was looking really good. He was pursuing me, paying attention to me, etc... basically doing everything that a good Godly man should be. Then the bomb dropped in May of that year. Long story short, he emailed me to tell me that he was having relationships with 2 other women (plus me... which makes three). He said that we would have nothing other than a friendship & that he would not be dating someone for a very long time. Well, "a very long time" in his book was a couple of weeks (or a month... I can't remember now). He ended up marrying this girl in 2001.

When I finally got a clue, I confronted him and basically told him that I was never going to speak to him again. Kinda hard to do b/c he lived right across the street from me. But I didn't talk to him. Our pastor at the time called me that summer & said that this guy (lets call him "Bob".. for lack of a better name) "Bob" wanted to really talk to me and apologize. It was probably a month before I moved to Philadelphia. I called "Bob" and we met at an old church right by our apartments.... It wasn't a fun conversation. He finally said "he didn't know how to end it." My response was: "I know" and with that I just walked away. I haven't talked to him since.

So.... back to his email. My cynical side really doesn't care... but my life belongs to God & I see in his email that he is really trying to reconcile and that he finally understands how much he hurt me. Over the years, I have forgiven him... but it always comes back to haunt me... and my trust issues with other people (I DON'T EVEN WANT TO GO THERE). I finally feel like I've been vindicated re: my feelings about the situation.

He & his wife want to come out and visit Philly and the church. He is asking for my permission.

I've decided to just take tonight and think about a response and then write back to him tomorrow. I don't want to send a hasty reply... b/c I usually regret hasty replies and then they come back to bite me in the rear.

Anyway, the cool God perspective in all of this is that he really changes people and he resurrects dead things (as a friend said)...whether that be relationships or people.

More tomorrow

Monday, April 12, 2004

monday... another day at work.

sometimes it's so hard doing my job... i'm not referring to the actual work..but when i'm talking to the students... it's hard knowing that school is so expensive (our tuition is almost $21,000) and most students will not receive nearly enough to cover tuition and living expenses. as much as i like the bush administration, i wish they would allocate a little more money to higher education. the pell grant hasn't budged in 2 years... it's been stuck at $4050/yr... when tuition is rising at least 10% or more/yr. ok... i'm done for now.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Happy Easter.

This morning I went to 10th Presbyterian Church in Center City, Philadelphia. The Easter message was "Alive in Christ." Here is the text Dr. Ryken preached on: Colossians 3:1-14

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in Glory."

"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all."

"Therefore, as God's chosen people. holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Man... how I fall short of everything that is written in this passage. Thank you that there is a message of the cross to proclaim and to save a sinner like me.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

I'm going to Yankee Stadium today...... I love baseball in the springtime.

that's it.... must go & get ready for the train.

enjoy your day.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Thursday night.... I'm in the bedroom typing while "The Apprentice" is on the TV out in the living room. One of my workmates was all into this show... I started watching it & it's kinda addicting (like most reality television). I also brought some work home with me again.... tomorrow I have to give a presentation... I wanted to actually take notes on the stuff I need to present instead of just winging it... like I usually do. I like speaking in public... so most stuff goes by pretty smoothly... but I'm not an ace on the way my new university does things.... so, best to read up.

The Philadelphia Inquirer does a profile of an influential person every Sunday... they ask general "get to know you" questions... so, even though I'm not the least bit influential in the Philadelphia neighborhood... here are my answers to this past Sunday's questions:

Quotation to live by: "If we take despair into ourselves, we will reap fate. If we look by faith into the future, we will reap a destiny." Radny Knutson

On my nightstand right now: "Soul Survivor" by Philip Yancey, "Can you Keep a Secret" by Sophie Kinsella, & "The O'Reilly Factor, by Bill O'Reilly.. (& yes, the Bible... but you should already know that).

Book that influenced how I live my life: (yes, the Bible.... duh).... "What is so amazing about grace" Philip Yancey. One of the best books on the Christian Life EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TV station I'm not ashamed to admit I watch: Food Network

TV station I hate to admit I like: anything on TBS superstation... even Braves Baseball...

Movies I love so much I've watched them more than twice: Witness, Hoosiers, Sense & Sensibility, Bridget Jones' Diary, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.

Web sites I visit regularly: (for my news), (for my shopping), (for organ donation updates), (for local news), (Internet Movie Database...everything & anything you want to know about movies).

If you turned my car radio on right now, it would be tuned to: WXPN (or more likely a CD)

Songs I play when my soul needs a lift: Anything by Matt Redman, Delirious, or even classical.

People in my field whom I most admire: my old boss from Columbus, Ohio. A'Lisa H. She was and still is my best boss to date. I miss her terribly.

Living people I'd most like to join from dinner and conversation: M. Night Shylaman (my philly hero), Richard Daley (Mayor of Chicago), Carlton Fisk (# 72.. the best baseball catcher ever!), George W. Bush, & Robert Stanley Burke (a long lost friend from my college).

Heroes from History: Keith, my organ donor; John Adams, Todd Beamer (flight #93), hmmm... many more...

What I feel passionate about: ER!!!! which is about to start.... more later

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Interesting day.... no, not really... it was just a day. Another Wednesday. I know I was put here on the earth to do more... but it seems like all I do is work, come home, fall asleep, and then start the cycle all over again.

I really like working in financial aid. I think it is most definitely the students. I was at a conference a couple of years ago and one of the speakers said that "whether you know it or not... you are supply the means to these students dreams." And, sometimes (although it's rare most days) I feel that way. Most students don't have a clue what financial aid means or how to go about getting it.

That all being said.... I don't know if I want this to be my career for the rest of my life. I think I would be good at a lot of different things... but just choosing one???? I don't know if I can narrow it down that much.

A movie that I'm a little ashamed to admit that I like (a total chick flick...but by definition... I'm a chick... sio I guess I should like this flick) is "Wedding Planner." Ok.. the premise was totally preposterous... but the idea of being a wedding planner. I think that would be great. I can truly imagine myself pouring over invitation books to find that perfect way of announcing a marriage. Picking that perfect cake, etc... It would be a good side gig. So, if anyone is out there who is reading this.... and you're planning a wedding... drop me a line.

After work on Wednesdays I have my pastoral care class. It's one of the most informative, fun, and exhausting times I have during my week. First the people who covered the hospital for the weekend give their report of the people they see... then, one person gives a clinical presentation. Basically, we each take an encounter with a patient and then write about it and share it with the group. Usually we get drilled w/ questions aftewards. Some people cry b/c their encounter truly touches a nerve in them (or a past experience with the same situation that they are dealing with). My clinical was based on my experience of being called to a baby that was near death. Totally a surreal thing. This group only lasts until June. I will miss it when it's over.

Well, must run. American Idol is on @ 8pm (or is it 8.30?). I somehow got hooked into this show again. I actually brought work home tonight, so I'll do something productive while I watch the show.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

ok...whatever was in the tuesday special at the cafeteria is NOT agreeing with me. as i sit at my desk, 5.30 cannot come early enough. i feel like if i just throw up everything will be fine. right now i can feel the pain in my stomach just building up...

more later....(hopefully)...

ok... i'm being a little dramatic... but my stomach hurts like heck.

i just got back from the delirious concert. very, very cool. tonight is the first time i have seen them in concert since october 2000. i actually haven't bought an album of theirs in probably 5 years...which, is strange because i like them so much... anyway, one of their new songs was something like "Every little thing is going to be ok." And, in Jesus... that's the truth. Every little (AND BIG) thing will be ok. In the end, it's all going to be ok.

don't you just love jesus? such a good concert to see during holy week.

goodnight all.

Sunday, April 04, 2004

Sunday evening... Not much too report. I missed the mini snowstorm that we had today. I was sleeping. I figured with the time change I got about 3 hrs of sleep at the hospital last night. I came home and slept an additional three. Most of my time last night was spent in the Emergency Department. I had 6 trauma calls in all. Only one seemed like really an accident. All the rest could have been prevented. I really admire the people who work in the ED day in and day out. They see everything. People really are stupid sometimes... and sometimes it's the folks in the ED who put them back together. Last night there was one doctor who was on duty. During one of the traumas he was yelling and swearing.... I didn't think much of his personality... but then I saw him actually interact with a family and talk with them. He was way different. Almost nice. For me it almost made his ego justifiable because of how he acted with that family.

Tomorrow night Marti and I are going to see Delirious. I'm pretty excited about seeing these guys in concert again. Anyway, since I'll have to leave work right at 4.30, I think I'll get in to work an hour early... which means up at 5am. UGH.

Goodnight all.
it's 12.45am and i'm still up. there have been 5 traumas and one code blue since i got here. i still need to write everything in the log book. i really need to sleep. i'm very thankful that this is only once a month. i don't think i could handle it more than that.

good night for now.

Saturday, April 03, 2004

The thing about hospitals... you never know what to expect. Tonight is my 2nd evening on duty as the pastoral care person. Back in November, the weekly broadcast email from the hospital & university asked for volunteers to make up their pastoral care staff on weekends. I immediately was intrigued by the idea. Since my hospital stay was such a good one... meaning I always had visitors. It felt right to be available for families and patients that don't have that. My only commitment is class on Wednesdays and then work 15 hrs/month. I fulfill my duty by working one overnight per month. I've only been here about 45 minutes and already I've had one trauma & the crazy fire alarm went off... must have been false b/c the security guy was letting people still use the elevator.

Well, more later. I'm here all night... Right now I have to round the floors (I just go around and tell the clerk on each floor that I'm here and available if they need me).

Friday, April 02, 2004

Another Friday night in front of the TV. Not that I don't mind. I was too exhausted by my week to do much of anything else. Two of my favorite shows are on Friday evenings: Joan of Arcadia & JAG. Joan of Arcadia should be on everyone's watch list. It's an intelligent, thoughtful show that asks the premise (just like the Joan Osborne title song): "What if God was one of us?" Sometimes I wish that God really did work that way. He would say something totally random... tonight it was "Joan, take piano lessons." And, that small act would start a huge tidal wave affecting 4 other people... Re: JAG... I've watched this show since it first came on... I know it's for the over 50 set...but I love it. At least I'll have something to talk about when I run into that random senior citizen.

A single's guide to cooking. In three words... "Don't Do It." Honestly, it's too much hassle to make it worthwhile. This is why I usually eat dinner out, don't eat at all, eat cereal out of a box, or throw a Lean Cuisine into the microwave. Tonight I decided to make pasta. Easy, right? Just boil water. Well, let me count kitchen supplies I used to make my pasta with sauce.

1. large sauce pan for water to boil in which I placed my 12 tortellini (or however it is spelled).
2. small sauce pan for tomato sauce.
3. wooden spoon to stir pasta when it is finally placed into boiling water.
4. another spoon to stir the sauce.
5. colander to drain aforementioned pasta.
6. ceramic bowl to place pasta into, so I can just go ahead and eat it.
7. fork to eat pasta with.

SEVEN ITEMS!!!!! Now, I need to wash all those... which, of course, I left for tomorrow morning. I have to admit it was good...but definitely not worth seven more dirty dishes in my sink. Now, if I was cooking for 10 people.... that's another story.

Ok.... must run. tired. I really didn't stop working all day today. Didn't get a lunch break. It's the one thing that I promised wouldn't happen and it's happening right before my very eyes. I'm starting to not take a break during my day. If there was one thing I learned from my last job... it was that there needs to be at least 1/2 hour of your own time during the workday. It's not worth burning yourself out over a job. I'm very grateful for my job (it took me 8 months to get a new one)...but at the same time, I don't want to burn out before I've even been there 6 months.

Sleep well folks.

Thursday, April 01, 2004

my friend i haven't talked to in 4 months just wrote me. he forever surprises me... i'm up to my eye balls in work, i'm emailing students like crazy.... when i saw i had a message i thought it was from a student... but no it was from him. it was nice to hear from him. nothing else.... no other emotion... just nice.